Michael’s Incredibly Unreliable Baseball Picks – 6/29

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Boston Red Sox v. Tampa Ray Baes

Fuck people who use the word “bae” and everything that they stand for. Also I heard the Red Sox were gonna deflate the baseballs so they could hit them farther or something like that. Go with them.

Chicago Cubs v. Natti Reds

Natty light is the lifeblood of any college student. I’ll take them on my side any day of the week.

Miami Marlins v. Detroit Tigers

You could buy a house in Detroit for like $2. I would know I grew up on 10 mile, 2 streets down from Eminem’s place, so I know how they work over there. Pick the Cubans, uhh I mean Miami Marlins.

Toronto Blue Gays v. Colorado Rocky Balboa’s

Rocky hates gay people. Always has and always will. Expect Toronto to be winning for the first 8 innings but in the end the Rockys are gonna muster some strength for an all out attack to win and start yelling for their wives in the crowd.

Houston Astros v. Los Angeles Angels

Yo even if everybody from LA is a fake, blood sucking animal who bases their life around making other people feel worse than them and where 85% of their income is fake Instagram models, they still have the Angels in the outfield looking after them. Gotta give it up to them.

Baltimore Orioles v. San Diego Padres

San Diego, it literally means a whale’s vagina. So ya its pretty big and nobody can resist that. Advantage Padres.

Philadelphia Phillies v. Arizona Diamondbacks

Once again, phuck Philly.

New York Mets v. Washington Nationals

Seriously, what the fuck is a Met?

Texas Rangers v. New York Yankees

The south will rise again Yanks. Robert E. Lee is coming for your ass and hes taking the W this time.

Cleveland Indians v. Atlanta Braves

Are these like the Native American Indian’s or like the billions of them Indians? Until I find out I honestly can’t make a pick.

Minnesota Twins v. Chicago White Sox

Make your name the triplets and then we’ll talk about winning some games Minnesota.

Los Angeles Dodgers v. Milwaukee Brewers

Does anybody really care about either of these cities? No, so flip a coin. Heads. Ok I guess Brewers it is.

Kansas City Royals v. St. Louis Cardinals

I don’t think David Backes can actually hit an MLB caliber pitch. Will he even get on base?

San Francisco Giants v. Oakland Athletics

Bodybuilders v. Crossfit pussies. Take the Arnold lookalikes.

Pittsburgh Pilates v. Seattle Mariners

Pilates will give you an absolute DONK. If a girl ever asks you if she should do Pilates, you say yes.

As previously stated, my picks are good for about 22% of the time all the time, so feel free to leave your 9-5 right now or drop out of school.




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