Michael Phelps Just Made His Fifth Olympic Team and it’s Time For You to Smoke More Weed

Article source: h/t USA Today– 

Add yet another feather to the cap of the most decorated Olympian ever.

As if 22-time Olympic medalist Michael Phelps needed anything else to cement his place in history. Phelps, 31, is now the first American male swimmer to make five Olympic teams in his career.


Let’s strip down the legend that is Michael Fred Phelps II (Weak ass middle name Mikey figure it out). Cut out all of the workouts, strict diets, and body waxing and you’re left with this well designed cause and effect flowchart:

phelps genius

The haters will say things like “Phelps is just a freak athlete it doesn’t matter what he does in his free time.” or “Smoking weed makes you paranoid so he was probably just swimming away from whatever hallucinations the devil’s herb created in his mind.”

But sensible people like you and I understand that this should only increase the need for marijuana legalization in the US. Maybe you disagree with me on this one, and that’s fine. We can agree to disagree, but with marijuana now being proved helpful, not harmful, it’s time to divert our focus to an extremely dangerous and deadly plant.


I don’t have any #sources on this, but Michael Phelps didn’t smoke any cilantro on his way to 22 Olympic medals. And if you’ve ever tasted cilantro you know that if you eat it then your day is ruined, your pallet is distraught, and death seems like a fine alternative to taking another bite of whatever you’re eating.

Somebody needed to speak up. I don’t mind being that guy, but all the glory goes to Michael Phelps for debunking marijuana danger, and letting the public eye move to more pressing matters.

image sources: human poop was found in cilantro crops phelps the GOAT


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