Denard Robinson Found Passed Out in a Submerged Car, and He Was Stone Cold Sober

If you haven’t heard of Denard Robinson, the Jacksonville Jaguars third-string running back, you probably knew of the Michigan quarterback that didn’t tie his cleats; yeah that’s the same guy. Well according to multiple sources and authorities, he and a passenger were found asleep in a vehicle that was partly submerged in a pond.

When I first saw this headline, my immediate assumption was that he was out partying, drinking and doing whatever those NFL players do (I don’t get invited to their parties, I have no further detail), and he tried to drive himself and his lady friend home at the end of the night. And that the booze and whatever else was in his system at the time, refrained him from staying awake at the wheel and he then crashed into a pond. But boy was I wrong. It turns out my man, Denard, was just that tired. Now I’ve been tired before, I’ve slept through my fair share of alarms. But never in my life do I think I’ve been “tired” enough to crash into a pond and sleep through it. And it’s not like his passenger woke him up while it was happening; no, she too was asleep and slept through the whole thing.

Think about it, you’re driving down the road at 4:30 am, you feel yourself begin to doze off at the wheel, your eyes close and your car hits a pond. You’re telling me that the momentum of the car stopping when it hit the water didn’t wake him? How about the sound of water splashing against the side of the Corolla he was driving, that didn’t wake him either? At first I wasn’t taking Denard’s word for it, I needed to hear what the authorities said.

After a few unsuccessful attempts to open his door, Robinson exited the car through the passenger side. He was screened by a second officer, who concluded that “the driver was not impaired and should not be charged with a D.U.I.”

The report noted that alcohol and drugs were not suspected and no tests for them were conducted.

NY Times

Wow, so Denard Robinson, at 4:30 in the morning, with his car submerged in a pond, was as sober as a Catholic school girl? Absolutely amazing. My man was probably enjoying the sleep, using the rocking wake brushing up against the side of the car as a white noise machine. My hat goes off to you Denard – I used to feel like a piece of human waste when I slept through my alarms in the morning and woke up at noon. But because of you I can now sleep easier, thank you.



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