Russia Helped Their Athletes Cheat/The Pope is Catholic

BBC reported this a few hours ago:

Russia operated a state-sponsored doping programme for four years across the “vast majority” of summer and winter Olympic sports, claims a new report.

It was “planned and operated” from late 2011 – including the build-up to London 2012 – and continued through the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics until August 2015.

An investigation commissioned by the World Anti-Doping Agency (Wada) says Russia’s sports ministry “directed, controlled and oversaw” manipulation of urine samples provided by its athletes.


NO DUHHHH. The bear does in fact shit in the woods. Grass is green. When a tree falls in the woods (same place the bear shits) it does make a noise. But how did they do it?


Essentially, Russia did what every person who has ever applied for a job at KFC to get a job at KFC. But they weren’t doing it to work a pressure cooker and put biscuits in an oven. They wanted this:


And they got it: (Graphic says Top 3, but there is 4 countries. #Math)


This is not something that a country can just apologize for. When you smoke pot and it shows up in the KFC piss test they probably won’t hire you. But when you fail a drug test that’s looking for the certain kind of dope that helps you hit 73 home runs in a season or win the Tour de France 7 times your punishment needs to be worse than not being able to boil green beans or stir gravy.

Nobody is surprised that Russia did this. They are the Florida of the Eastern Hemisphere. But the right punishment needs to be dished out here.

However, if I’m Russia, this move probably isn’t the most ill-advised thing to do. Rio isn’t shaping up to be a place anyone is going to come back from in one piece.

I don’t want to see them in the Olympics, but in the grand scheme of things, good move, Russians.



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