It feels like, in its current state, the NFL employs three kinds of players: 1. Players who forget that the NFL doesn’t let you smoke weed 2. Players who smoke weed again after the NFL tells them not to smoke weed 3. JJ Watt
Enter Michael and Martellus Bennett. They break the mold. This profile of the brothers comes from ESPN the magazine:
Michael: “Worst quarterback in the NFL.”
Martellus: “I’d be open and he’d throw into double coverage.”
Martellus: “Eli? He’s cool. He’s like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can’t really play soccer himself.”
Michael: “I’ve got more sacks than he’s got touchdowns.”
Martellus: “I’ve caught more balls than he’s completed.”
Michael: “Dominant player.”
Martellus: “Corny. Half of the NFL is corny, though.”
Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”
(Ed. note: YES.)
Michael: “The greatest quarterback in the NFL.”
Martellus: “Vicious. Competitive.”
Michael: “A real Joe Montana.”
Martellus: “The silver fox you never get to see but you hear about. You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it.”
source: end around
The Bash Brothers of the NFL minus all of the steroids plus all of the steroids, probably.
Martellus: “The two quarterbacks that have thrown me every ball I’ve ever caught? One is the worst and the other wears New Balances because they fit right. Tom Brady? My team’s franchise QB? *Unicorn analogy*”
Michael managed to expose JJ Watt with a spot-on passive aggressive hint that if JJ had one sliver of self-awareness he would see that he’s a 350 pound cheeseball.
Give me more of this. I’m into the My Wish program and giving back to communities, but the honesty that the Bennett Bash Brothers spit in that interview needs to be more abundant in the NFL.
Give me Roger Goodell throwing a fake nut tap at Al Michaels.
Give me Rex Ryan dropping a big fat C U Next Tuesday on a female reporter.
Less tire flipping Instagrams, more Sam Bradford:Joe Montana comparisons please.